KERFUFFLES!

Ok so I've got a problem, a big one.
So I like this girl--a lot-- and I'm taking her to my prom this Friday, which by the way is going to be pretty cool. (first American prom, woo!)She's so beautiful and funny and smart. All I can think about is slow dancing with her. Bliss.
But you see...I also Like this guy...
We are so similar and he's gorgeous and I see him like every day. OMG I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do because he's getting inside my head, like waaay in there, and I'm pretty sure he knows he is and he's doing it on purpose.
Sad world. If only there were two of me that I could be at the same time, thats the only way it would work.

On another note, things have been absolutely crazy around here, what with us getting kicked out of the house and having to move away and everyone is still fighting. We just had spring break though which gave me a chance to escape the entire mess for a week. I also didn't have to go to work the whole time [heaven] and did some things I never thought I'd do. YOLO.

...Also, my teenagerness is possessing me...if you know what I mean. I can't stop thinking about sex all the time. I mean I used to think of it often, but it's been more and more recently. Especially with said guy ^^^^^^ (*rolls eyes*) why am I so strange?

I'm probably getting a new job soon, thank heavens. I hate working at a shoe store, it's so unproductive, that's why I applied for an oil change place. I think it would be sooooo much fun doing that.

Well, I'm gonna go. Got things to do. Ttyl.

Day Dreamer

Too Soon?

I'm in a bit of a predicament...
I think I'm in love...

Your hand in mine.
Our bodies entwine.
We are one person.
But separate minds.

Are you what I think you are?
Or just a figment of my imagination?
Everyone thinks I'm crazy for falling.
But my heart isn't mine to control...

I hope it proves useful..

----------------------
-You are the Sun,
-And I am the Moon.
-You bright up my day,
-But leave me so soon.
----------------------
-I'm left in the shadows,
-Cold and afraid.
-That someday I'll lose you,
-And turn to the nightshade.
----------------------
-I wish that you knew,
-How much that I feel.
-'Cause it's hard to say,
-The words that're so real.
----------------------
-So for now I'll stay,
-Where no one can find me.
-Right by your side,
-Adoring you, [insert name here].
----------------------
-Anonymous.
----------------------

©copyright Mary Lemaster 2011

So long,

DayDreamer

It hurts too much...

My heart starts to die,
So I begin to cry,
All hope is lost,
So he'll pay the cost,
He took you from me,
And made you believe,
That he'd love you more,
Than the heart that heart that he tore,
So all I have to say,
Is that to this very day,
And far beyond forever,
It's you that I'll never,
Stop loving or caring for,
Or living or dying more.

by Mary Lemaster

I Promise

From now on,
I will be the one there for her,
To wipe those diamonds from her eyes.
To kiss those soft sweet rose petals she calls lips.
To lull her to sleep and sing her song.
To be there when she calls for me.
To trust her every word.
To hold her hand when times get tough.
To make her smile when she almost breaks down.
To clean her wounds so no trace of it is left.
To heal her scars left by golden swords.
To carry her when she desperately needs rest.
To tell her of her beauty each and every day.
To catch her every time she falls.
But most importantly,
To never love her less,
No matter what she does,
Or who she becomes.
To adore her each and every day,
With every breath she draws in,
Every sigh she exhales.
Every tear drop she holds back,
And every inch of her body.
I will never let her down,
Never try to make her frown.
She is an angel with a bad past,
But that doesn't mean that she's not one.
I promise. Take my hand,
And I'll show you a love stronger.
Stronger than anything the world has ever seen.
I LOVE YOU



Day Dreamer

Well..

O.K.
So... things have finally calmed down here in "the new world" and I think I can manage a blog here and there. To sum it up I'm kind of confused. So many insignificant things have happened that I don't really remember them - and those events take up most of my time. I'm sure my poems (if you're good at interpreting) will explain the feelings I'm going through lately... Good luck [I don't really like explaining my problems... expressing them is more fun!]

Have you ever wanted to something so bad?
Then one day your wish finally came true..
You were happy as ever and went right along with it.
So much time has passed when you realize that you want to go back.
It's too late now though, you're left depressed, sad, and lonely...
How will I ever go back? When will I be able to?
Why did this have to happen? Why don't I have a choice?
This is my life, isn't it?
The shower seems to be the key place where I find out things about myself..
When I cry I spend that time in the bathroom..
I want go back, scratch that, need to go back.
It's my only hope. Otherwise I'll spend the rest of my days in misery wondering what could have been.

Today

Things have been changing. Rapidly. I've moved countries. Changed schools. Lost friends. Gained ones. I've matured. Got my haircut completely different than I ever would have. Died my hair. Lost my braces. Too much of a story to tell. Things have been so hectic I haven't had time to blog. But I will try to find the time to...

Today's a new day
For happiness, for sunshine.
To catch each laugh as it floats by...
We change and the things around us change
but we stay true to ourselves and live on.
I may have moved far away from where I'd always been,
but this new place its more home than the last.
I feel the inspiriation pouring in,
I want to burst out into song!!!
But no lyrics. A new chapter is starting in my life.
My story has yet to be written.
No love. No loss.
But i do start to feel more and more every day.
My love is growing for a new friend...
I start to hear chords in my head.
Its not a song, but its a start!
So my love will keep growing, the chords will start flowing
and i will be singing with most joy ive felt in years

I Dream..

I Dream of a day when people will listen,
A day when everyone will open their hearts.
I Dream of a day when all is forgiven,
A day when nothing else matters.
But if when that day comes, you aren't there...
There will be nothing. No hope of resolution.
Although I've never known you, the real you,
It seems I need you in my life.
You've never been there, or acted like you cared,
But it doesn't matter.
I'd like to feel that I had someone there.
To teach me, to care for me, to protect me...
But you never cared enough ask me who I was,
You don't know me.
I tried to know you, but you wouldn't let me.
Do you feel my pain?
I need a Father who is there.
One who doesn't criticize,
One who isn't hypocritical in every way.
Just like you need a daughter.
Who isn't half way across the world.
One who doesn't hate you for what you did.
I'm sorry.
Sorry that I can't forgive you.
You hurt my family.
In ways more than one.
Sins.
Although I don't believe in that,
It's still immoral.
And you did not make up for them.
But I will try to love you,
After all you are still my father.
I needed you in my life.
Here is your chance.
Don't fight it,
I need this more than anything,
And it's your only chance to watch me grow.
Take this opportunity,
And my dream will come true.



DayDreamer

Just Cry

Just Cry.
Let it all out, its okay.
The Heartbreak can only last so long.
Love must always come to an end,
whether by Death or Coercion.
All I have to do is tell myself:
"It's gonna be alright"
But closing one door opens new ones.
A new Love is waiting for me,
Where? I have no idea!
But I will find it and hold on tight.
I had hoped it would last,
Nothing would get in the way,
But something did,
Something I couldn't stop.
So as long as I try,
I can get through this,
Just like last time,
I'll be okay.
Just cry.
Cry my heart out.
For the last time...

I Love you

You give me a reason to breathe,
you are my lungs.
You give me a reason to sleep,
you are my dreams.
With all my heart I love you so,
Just know that I'll never let you go.
You are my wings,
In your arms I feel like I could fly.
You are my strength,
With your words I could do anything.
If you want me forever like I want you,
All you need to say is;
I love you! ♥

The "J" word!!!

It took me 2 years to get over you.
Now that I finally have, you just had to walk back into my life again.
You ask for more love and throw it away, then you come back again wanting more.
I thought I was done with you, I could ignore you and go on.
But you had to show up in my escape and ruin my freedom.
I was in love with you once.
Spent a year trying to get you back,
a year trying to run away.
My song is my peace, the one place I hide,
And you just had to be in my song, didn't you?
You want me to accept you, but I can never trust you again.
My heart was broken once, shame on you.
My heart was broken twice, shame on me.
Now that I have found someone else,
I can be close to you without desire.
When I see you I think of the pain you brought on me
Then I think of my baby and what peace and happiness they gave.
I may still love you and there will always be a spot in my heart just for you like everyone else,
But I'm not in love with you anymore like I am with my baby.
They saved me from your midst and I will forever love them for that.
I think of your warm arms around me and cry, it used to feel so loving.
But when I'm with my baby, it feels so right, I can be myself; no pressure at all!
You used me, I was a joke to you, a dare. You were laughing the moment it was over, nothing wiped that smile off your face....my friend was right to slap you!
Don't look at me with puppy dog eyes, I'm not falling for it this time!
I've learned my lesson.
LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT OF MY LIFE! AND GO F##*K YOURSELF!!!
I love my baby and always will!

True Fact

You always want something so bad when you can't have it.
Then when you realize that you can, you don't want it anymore...